Sounds Like a Personal Problem

Why am I here? I had to ask myself that today. Or, more accurately, what am I here for? What are my goals and expectations. I keep telling the people around me to examine their own motivations, and yet had you asked me that question an hour ago, I would not have had a clear answer. I am here to support something I believe in and to learn about myself and the process of being in this and similar environments so that I can be ready when the next opportunity to lead something that I believe in arises.

I sat in a police station for a few hours Tuesday morning. I guess that would have made for a more interesting post. Since they took my phone, you'll have to make do with the insights that I give you in this post. And maybe sometime at the end of this post I will enthrall you with that story.

Life, ironically, is about growth. Apparently the process doesn't stop when you learn how to pull up your diapers after a successful squat and your mommy gives you a big smile to let you know how thankful she is that she doesn't have to clean anything off of the floor or from between your legs. I have a lot of growing to do. I see processes and have perceptions and find it incredibly difficult to adjust to doing things in ways that I don't agree with. I guess my mother never properly taught me to share anything beyond toys, which, of course, is to say nothing about the amazing maternal abilities that she clearly possesses.

Sorry, I digress. I like working alone. I guess it has taken me long enough to learn that about myself. I like being in control of my own resources, process, and product. Only this summer, the resources are a bunch of emotional and hormonal teenagers, the process is not at all under my control, and the product is a very large grey question mark. If someone asks me what Amigos is and what it does, anyone and everyone starts the honed, tried, and true elevator pitch. The only problem is that it says absolutely nothing about what I do on a day to day basis. Sure, it can in ambiguous and vague ways describe what the goals of the organization are, but day to day activities? Unlikely. Unless there's some small print somewhere that talks about carrying around dead puppies in plastic bags.

Who am I? What am I doing here? To two shotgun hoisting motorcycle riding rentacops who, I swear, looked like two ambiguous characters off of SNL, apparently I am a threatening individual in my pocketless shorts, wifebeater, and sandals. And no I do not have pockets to carry my passport. No I did not know that this was law and punishable by fine and/or an extremely pointless visit to the local police station. There. There goes your story. It was 6:45 in the morning and I had just finished running barefoot in an empty lot at the edge of town.

But to answer the other part of my question, I am here to support success. The problem is that no one really has taken the time to sit me down and tell me exactly what that means.